I lay it all down here, tonight.
That which always remained hidden,
However tempered
is lurking, irking
words  caged,
silenced like an innocent convicted  of a crime she didn't commit
a tongue tied to the backspace key
BACK! BACK! BACK! SPACE...


O U Y  S S I M  I

Your breath that used to graze my shoulders at regular beats,
your hands that explored tentatively, expert but desperate.
Each moment however time deprived
I constantly remember in 2 minute intervals...
Maybe even lesser than that.
That time was away and somewhere else, whenever with you,
Life is no longer what it was. Ticking clock silent in the air.
Weekends should've been called weekstarts.
Your kiss, searching and exploring every crevice of my soul,
Wanting, like a WHENEVER- WHEREVER-HOWEVER kind of kiss.
I miss being held by you, held so close, our breath feels like one,
morse codes in breathing patterns, telling each other
our fear of time overtaking us..
How we both know that now was all we had
and that in the remaining hours, we forget the rest of the world
just you and me, OUR WORLD.
When dawn breaks, I watch you with careful eyes,
careful not to betray that I know not how this month of May will leave us,
Cold composure perfectly masking the wreck inside...


I lay it all down here, tonight
That which were never uttered
False nonchalance!
a tongue tied to the backspace key
BACK BACK BACK...SPACE

O U Y  T N A W  I

There is no labour nor shame in this.
I want you.
Enough to wish, that if the shoe fits, I'd wear her shoes,
I'd be Cinderalla missing her curfew, back in rags, going back for that glass slipper...
That each sneeze it's me offering my clean white hanky,
saying "Bless You"
That for each heartache, my words giving you comfort,
my hand giving you that quick encouraging squeeze, telling you
"It will be alright and if it doesn't, I'm here"
That it's my smile beside yours in photographs that'll tell a story.
A story to be told and not kept in a shoebox, safely tucked under your bed...
Secretly, I wish I was more than a moment.
Secretly I want to be selfish.


I lay it all down here, tonight
a shot at being recklessly human
I say to you what I well might spare, dare, bare
be unafraid that someone will hear...

I LOVE YOU...


BACK... BACK...BACK...SPACE...


Performed last September 26, 2010 at The Unbirthday Party, Outpost Cebu

I sleep to dream,

because your reality impedes,

and I recede...

like waves only touching the shore,

for a short moment,

beautiful white wash...

although constant,

is brief, as you and I.

Undress me now, I've been moved.

Undress me now while I'm uncertain.

Undress me now, I see you.

Undress me now, I feel you.

Undress me now, with hands curled to a fist,

Undress me now, while I fight this.

Undress me now before dawn turns to day,

Undress me now in hours turned moments,

thoughts, a memory

Undress me now before regret begets me.

Undress me now, before it passes,

Undress me now, fill the blank with ellipses,

Spaces, Undress me now.

 

Nothing wants me to disappear,

in no haste, I'm willing.

Let me fade into the canvas as you have...

I am inanimate without you. 

I left with the moon in the sky

visible from my plane window.

Hoping that it's telling me,

the ache are each being counted

and will be repaid with days,

with nights, with time, with you.

 

Hours alone with my thoughts,

of despair and agonizing heart.

Each time turning, to see that familiar smile.

Forgive me love for aching,

for being frayed...

Goodbyes with you wreck me.

Skin and bones, skin and bones,

all you have is skin and bones.

No heart, no soul,

your thoughts all cold.

 

Skin and bones, skin and bones,

all you have is skin and bones.

your tongue cuts through

even hearts of gold.

A sudden feeling to bolt,

suffocating entrances, exits unavailable.

Fake smiles exchanged,

blank faces I see...

Superficial. Vertigo.

I am walking away now....

Today she finally cried.

She allowed tears to just fall.

She acknowledged the pain.

"It is good to cry", I told her.

"It is okay to cry", I told her.

She isn't weak, she is just human.

She cried like a child.

No bitterness... just the pain of the loss.

She cried like a prayer...

asking for comfort and seeking for answers.

She cried like a woman...

forgiving and understanding.

She cried like the mist...

quiet and calming.

She cried.

"It is okay to cry", I told her.  

Every movement resound;

your presence engulfs my soul.

Everyone else drowns out,

as my thoughts fixate on you,

running through my veins.

You are with me,

every breath, each second,

settled in my whole being.

Even in my silence,

I remain yours.

Withering heart, withering soul;

twilight comes with no reprieve.

I remain perpetual

but wanting to tumble,

shaken to the deepest core.

 

I wait for sunrise,

but dawn chafes,

still I wait in silence,

do I wait in vain.

 

I believe in you,

flowerchild swaying with time,

the flame is dying,

but just a soft whisper from you

I'll keep the candle burning.